On Marriage and Perfectionism

So it's exactly one week until my wedding...

I'm feeling excited, slightly terrified, like I'm getting in way over my head, and enormously thankful all at the same time. I'm excited about ... well, you can probably guess. I feel slightly terrified by the thought of all the adjustments that are ahead -- new life partner, new city, new job (which I haven't found yet), new friends, new church, etc. I feel like I'm in over my head because I have been shockingly reminded this last week how inept I am at loving people and that loving Allison as Christ loves me is humanly impossible. Only God Himself can love like that, which He can (and will) do through my life by the person of the Holy Spirit. Finally, I'm so thankful to be marrying a wonderful woman and coming into a wonderful family who has shown me love, honor and respect.

I've been reminded again about how attached I am to my own sense of perfection, which is really idolatry. There's no other way to put it; I want to be perfect, because I want to be God. If I could just be perfect (and be God), then I could demand that everyone adjust to the way I want things to be and never have to apologize to anyone or admit that I was ever wrong. This is really the kicker. I don't want to admit that I'm wrong.

Oh, Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.